Kendall is perfect. I know I'm biased because I'm her mom....but I mean it. I can't find a single thing wrong with her.....and after spending 24 hours a day with her for the past 5 weeks--looking at every teeny detail of her long fingers, pouty lips, alert eyes, tiny ears, long toes, the roll on the back of her neck, her chubby cheeks, her double chins...I think I know her pretty well :)
I find myself on the verge of tears daily...thinking of how much I've wanted her...and how she's finally here. Growing like a weed, changing every day.
I've already started a tote with newborn clothes she's grown out of. Breaks my heart that she's growing so quickly, but I'm looking forward to the milestones that are in her near future.
I have to make a confession. I could hold her 24 hours a day and be perfectly content. All to myself--no one else. I feel selfish at times, because when I see other people holding her--I notice myself picking my fingernails frantically--thinking to myself "Kendall, wake up...cry...so you can come back to me."
Is that awful? Or is that part of being a new mom? She is only this age once--and as I've very well seen so far, it goes by too fast. It's like I want to lock myself in a room with her and stare at her and talk to her and hold her and smell her perfect little head all day long. Any second she's away from me is a second too long. I know other people are excited to see her too, and that's something I need to learn to manage.
I'm not surprised that I'm going through this stage because I have a lot of pride, and I'm very protective as well. I like MY things. "My" house...."my" baby...."my" things. I've never liked people disturbing my things, or touching my things. I remember living on campus at college and coming back from a weekend at home, seeing that people had used my computer, messed up my bed, touched my food....it drove me crazy. And even now--at work--if someone uses my phone, or my computer, or goes through my files...I find myself getting antsy and thinking to myself "don't touch my stuff!"
The same goes for my little girl, I guess....I want her all to myself. Greedy? Selfish? Maybe. But I've waited so long for her...and I cherish every little second she's in my arms.
The days go by so fast and I can't believe my maternity leave is already 5 weeks in. I can't imagine going back to work. I know it's a reality I have to face....but it's a cruel reality.
Perhaps one of the most fulfilling parts of being a parent is watching Casey with Kendall. Listening to him make up songs to sing to her while he's changing her diaper (yes, he changes her diaper--in fact--he is always offering!), listening to him tell her how beautiful she is...watching him stare at her in awe....it all brings tears to my eyes. Seems like everything brings tears to my eyes these days!
We are definitely going to have our hands full with her, as she's already proving to have an attitude like her mother! While she's nursing I will sometimes rub her back...but when she's had enough she will swat my hand away, wrinkle her nose, scrunch her eyebrows, and make a growling noise. It's adorable....but I also think it's a preview of what's to come!
I'll try to get better about posting more frequently....it's been rare where I have a stretch of time that both hands are free to type....but lot of that is my own doing....I just can't put my little girl down.
That's all for now...I hear the little monster waking up...!
