"That" Question.....

I’m not joking when I say people started asking us when we were planning on having kids about 5 minutes after we got married--while we were greeting guests in the receiving line at our wedding. At the time it was humorous. We laughed it off. Can’t we enjoy married life for a couple years before we add even more responsibility to our lives?

Little did I know, this question would be asked repeatedly over the next 4 years—and would get more irritating (and hurtful) each and every time.

This post may offend some people, and if it does—so be it. It’s not meant to be offensive, it’s merely meant to be an eye-opener--or maybe even a wake-up call.

We are all guilty (yes, even me) of asking “that” question.

“So, when are you having kids?”

 In my defense, the last time I asked someone that question was when I was much younger—before I was married and knew how irritating “that” question really was.

Life does not always go as planned. You grow up having your ideal life in mind. Your perfect spouse, your perfect job, your perfect house, your perfect family….but it doesn’t always end up the way you’ve envisioned it.

My mother once said (while being thoroughly disgusted after hearing someone question my timeline on having children) “Jesus Christ, don’t they realize not EVERYBODY breeds like rabbits!?”

Mom; I couldn’t have said it better myself. (And I still laugh whenever I think about that).

It’s true. You have no idea what a woman, or a couple, has been through as far as getting pregnant or staying pregnant. (And maybe the couple just has no desire to have kids!) That question that seems so simple to you “So, when are you having kids”, can be so hurtful—and bring up so many painful memories for the person you’re asking. I feel like people who have never struggled, never think about it this way.

To put it simply, its human nature to wonder—but it’s incredibly rude to ask. It’s none of your business. If they wanted you to know, they’d tell you without being asked. I realize many people see “that” question as a conversation starter—but maybe something along the lines of “What have you been up to lately?” would be a more appropriate way to break the ice—and a whole lot less awkward for the person on the receiving end of the question.

Yes—the majority of people have kids about as easily as putting on their shoes in the morning, but there are some who aren’t as lucky. Most would be overjoyed to answer “that” question, and share with you their plans for children—but some don’t have a clear cut answer to share with you. So, why take the chance? You don’t know if you’re asking someone in the majority, or someone who has struggled—so why bother?

To those of you over the past 4 years who have asked me “that” question—I forgive you. But let me warn you—if you ask me “When are you having another?” after I give birth in December—I will not be nearly as nice or as understanding as I was in the past :)

Oh, and one more thing….if someone announces that they’re pregnant; the correct response is “Congratulations!” or “I’m so happy for you!”…not “Finally!” or “It’s about time!”

That’s another big no-no in my book—and another thing that will make my blood boil and my fists clench. (I fully blame my temper on my red hair).

I hope I’ve enlightened some of you, and haven’t pissed you off too badly. Like I said before, this post wasn’t meant to offend—and if you take it that way, I’m sorry.

Call me a bitch, call me oversensitive, I really don’t care. If I can save just one couple the awkwardness of having to answer “that” question in the future, I’ve done my job.

Until next time….